So, No

She loves having control,
having your faith in her hands by saying
no…
because she doesn’t
have control of anything else,
so she clings to this word like a baby
latching onto its mother’s breast so it can
be fulfilled and satisfied.
So, no, you can’t love me.
I don’t deserve honesty, peace, or love.
so I’m going to shut the door on your love.
And no, I’m not going to look back.
I’m going to look ahead at the future that
destiny has for me
because no is the
answer to all that I’ve
endured.
I’ve never had anyone or anywhere to run to
when I found myself at a point where I
had no idea of self,
no idea of love,
no idea of what was love—
and so, I gave my soul to the person
I thought loved me,
but there was no love at the end of the
tunnel.
So, no, I don’t know how to see or foresee
the future past this tragic incident in
which I still find myself,
but in this stage of my life, I’m screaming:
no longer will I let anyone in,
no longer will I open up,
because no is the correct word for me.
So, no.
Let go.

– Autry Phelps